Zoned Out #2

Description

From the mind of Murr from the Impractical Jokers comes the second book in the hilarious and action-packed series about a world of bizarre creatures, wacky gadgets, and four kid interns at the most interesting place on Earth: Area 51!After saving their parents from an alien attack and becoming official interns at Area 51, Viv Harlow and her friends Charlotte, Ray, and Elijah are ready to keep taking down bad guys and helping test all the fun high-tech gadgets. Instead, they all get put on filing duty (bo-ring!) and kept away from the real action. When Elijah discovers a secret Forbidden Zone hidden away on the base, the group jumps at the chance to explore the new place, only to learn it’s home to some of the most elusive creatures on Earth. But after the Yeti, Loch Ness Monster, and more terrifying monsters escape, they’ll have to prove themselves to their parents and capture the beasts to save the base!
The debut middle-grade series from Murr of the Impractical Jokers and co-author Carsen Smith, Area 51 Interns is filled with enough high-tech hijinks, strange creatures, and laugh-out-loud humor (plus an extra color insert full of gadgets) to make even cryptid skeptics hooked for more! “Tongue-in-cheek, pedal-to-the-metal action, with an unusually broad cast of humans, aliens, and…others.”—KirkusPraise for Area 51 Interns #1: Alien Summer:“An idea that’s so fantastic, I wish I thought of it. An internship at Area 51 — what could go wrong? This one’s So. Much. Fun.”—Brad Meltzer, bestselling author of the Ordinary People Change the World series
 
“Fast and furious thrills. Just when I thought the kids had survived the terrifying dinosaurs, the REAL monsters appeared! Action, laughs, surprises – it’s all here. A GREAT read!”—R.L. Stine, bestselling author Goosebumps and Fear Street 
“[A]n action-packed adventure tale filled with humor and charm.”—Kirkus James S. Murray is a writer, executive producer, and actor, best known as “Murr” on the hit television show Impractical Jokers on truTV and The Misery Index on TBS. When he is not helping search for LARRY or getting thrown out of an airplane by his best friends, Murr writes novels, such as the international best-selling Awakened trilogy, Don’t Move, and The Stowaway. Originally from Staten Island, he now lives in Princeton, New Jersey, with his wife, Melyssa, and puppy, Penny. @jamessmurray. Carsen Smith wrote her first book at nine years old, but it wasn’t very good. Now, she’s a comedian, writer, and producer living in Brooklyn with her cats, Goose and Buffalo. She once worked as a zookeeper and can probably beat you at Ping-Pong. Chapter One
Arrows sliced through the air above Viv’s head. All around, echoes of horses’ hooves pounded against the thick jungle floor of the terrarium.
But suddenly, it all went silent. Everyone else was gone, except for one lone knight riding a monstrous horse.
His metal breastplate clattered like a thousand pots and pans, and his banner flag whipped against the wind, tied inches below the glistening, sharp point of his lance.
He was the last one left. The final remnant of the chaos that had overtaken Area 51. Destruction lay all around as smoke, arrows, and shouting filled the air. The other knights who had burst from the wormhole had all been sent back through to their own dimension . . .
Leaving the most bloodthirsty of the bunch to finish the job.
Viv stood directly in his path, her arm cannon poised and ready to strike. She hoped her combat suit would protect her.
Come on! Come get me!The knight let out a guttural scream that was nearly muffled by his massive, unruly beard. He kicked his horse in its haunches, accelerating even faster, thundering straight toward Viv.
Viv was ready. She planted her heels and wrapped her fingers around the trigger in her suit. The swirling darkness of the wormhole behind her shimmered in her peripheral vision as she stared down the knight’s ever-approaching lance.
Almost there . . . just a bit closer.When the horse was so near she could feel its spittle hit her cheek, that was when she made her move.
Here goes nothing.Viv dodged quickly to the right, and the horse roared past. The knight, fury evident even beneath the beard, swiveled toward her. He brandished his lance and yanked hard on the reins, trying to pull his steed back from the approaching abyss. It looked like he might almost succeed, but Viv lined up her shot, fired off a blast. The knight hollered . . .
“Viv, stop drooling all over the place!”
Viv jolted out of the memory to see her best friend, Charlotte, staring down at her.
*****
Vivian Harlow stared out blankly across an ocean of paperwork, her wistful daydream cut short. Like the beating of the horse’s hooves, her memories of last week still pounded through her head.
Seven days earlier, everything had felt so different. Viv and her friends had fought off a horde of escaped aliens that threatened to kidnap every human at Area 51 and hold them all prisoner in another galaxy. The four kids were treated like heroes, and Viv expected the internship that followed would feel the same. Thrilling. Exciting. A chance for them to show off their skills. And for a moment, when they’d all fought back the knights, it had been. But now that the wormholes were closed and the damage from the Roswellians had been cleaned up, business was back to normal at Area 51. The congratulations had worn off, and their parents had taken back their gadgets. Now she and her friends were just another group of low–level employees. The lowest level employees. They were just summer interns.
And like all interns throughout history, she and her friends had been assigned to a task that the staff had been putting off for years—filing away a decade’s worth of old paperwork in the abandoned copy room. The task was simple: scan each page on the giant imaging machine, type the department name and date into the Central Brain—Area 51’s hyper-advanced central intelligence system—and then shred the paper copies.
At this point, Viv’s fingers were on autopilot. Exhaustion threatened to pull her eyelids closed at any second. That, plus the creeping boredom that had eclipsed her very soul.
She glanced over her shoulder at her friends and the cluttered pile of top -secret paperwork on the desks behind them.
Charlotte let out a huff that sent three pages on the table in front of her flapping into the air. Ray stood on his tiptoes over the copy machine, trying to keep his adorable little alien friend, Meekee, from jumping on the empty ink cartridges.
The filing cabinets were covered in a thick layer of dust. Viv lazily dragged her finger along the top of one, leaving a stark line in its wake. She sighed; the whole room smelled like cobwebs and crushed dreams.
But then again, nothing about this place had really turned out the way Viv had expected. Last week also marked the day her whole life flipped upside down—the day she learned that she wasn’t even entirely human.
Back when Viv was a baby, her mother had unknowingly mixed alien DNA with Viv’s, giving her the powers of the fearsome Roswellian species. Viv hadn’t looked in the mirror at all over the last seven days, afraid of what kind of monstrous, green glowing creature might be looking back.
It took everything in her power not to break down and cry in front of her friends every day. But as long as they didn’t know the truth about her, she could keep on living life like she used to. All she had to do now was play the role of the obedient intern.
This was supposed to be their summer of fun, but now Viv felt like a freak among her own friends.
All I need to do is stay calm. Avoid anything that could set me off. I need to keep these dumb powers hidden.“OUCH! Paper cut!” Ray said, gripping his pinky finger like it was about to fall off.
“Meekee!” the pint-size alien peeped. He licked at the back of Ray’s hand, trying to help soothe the pain.
“One week ago, you were Mr. Hero. And now look at you,” Charlotte said. “I don’t know why they don’t just let me use the duplicator gauntlets. If I had my clones here with us, we would have been done with this boring paperwork in a day! Geez, some of this stuff is ancient. Look, this folder’s from 1996!”
“Ooh, a file from the Archaeology Department. That’s a great word. Say it with me, Meekee,” Ray instructed. “Ar-kee-aw-la-gee.”
Meekee looked up at him with big, determined eyes, wiggling his butt as if he was trying to muster more brainpower.
“Ar . . . Ar-kee . . . Ar-kee . . .” Meekee trailed off.
“You’re about to say ‘Meekee,’ aren’t you?”
“Meekee!” the little alien pipped.
“Shouldn’t you start him off with something a little easier?” Charlotte said over her shoulder. “Like ‘sit’? Or ‘stay’? How about ‘roll over’?”
“Meekee’s not a puppy, Charlotte. He’s a member of a highly advanced alien species and totally capable of learning a new language. Only a week old, and my boy’s already great at one-syllable words. He’ll be beating me at Scrabble in no time!”
Charlotte turned her attention to the tiny green blob hopping up and down on the paper tray.
“Meekee, say ‘dumb.’ ”
“Dumb!” the little alien replied.
“Come on!” Ray protested. “Don’t teach him that! His English might not be very good now, but just wait until he’s fully grown!”
“I’ve always said the same thing about you, Ray,” Charlotte said sweetly as she turned back to her stack.
Viv kept her head down, sorting the papers in front of her in chronological order. As adorable as Meekee’s language skills were, they weren’t enough to snap her out of this funk. Even working in close quarters with Elijah the whole week hadn’t been enough to lift her spirits, partly because he was the one she was most afraid of learning the truth about her. What if he never saw her the same way again? She couldn’t risk it.
“Whoa! Guys, look!” Ray said, unclipping an old photograph from the top of a file. “Is this what I think it is?”
He held up the photo beneath the desk lamp as Viv slid over to take a look. There within the Polaroid’s white frame was an array of familiar faces.
Charlotte kicked off the wall and rolled her chair over to join them.
“No WAY!” she said. “It’s our parents!”
The photo showed Viv’s mom, or at least another version of her mom. The streak of gray that normally parted her hair today was instead completely black. She was standing in a row of people leaning against a long table in the employee break room, all holding steamy mugs of tea. Each of the seven smiles in the picture was wide with vibrant laughter. On the back, scribbled in blue ink, was a handwritten description: Agents Sabrina Holtzmeier, Desmond Frank, Winnie Stenvall, Nicolás Padilla, Ishani Desai, Ernest Becker, and Cassandra Harlow—1999.Viv also noticed that Charlotte’s parents had their arms draped around each other. And Elijah’s dad looked just as handsome as ever. But she didn’t recognize anyone else in the photo. Not even the man standing next to her mom, presumably Agent Ernest Becker, who was leaning toward Cassandra with a friendly nudge, both their heads thrown back in laughter.
Agent Becker? Agent Stenvall? Agent Desai? Mom’s never mentioned any of these people before. I wonder if they still work here.“They all look so young!” Charlotte said.
“And so . . .” Viv’s voice got caught in her throat.
“Happy?” Ray said.
Viv nodded. He was right. She hadn’t seen her mom laugh like that for as long as she could remember. Her head thrown back, without a care in the world. It almost made Viv angry. After everything that had happened last week, Viv needed answers. But she and her mom still hadn’t gotten the chance to talk. About anything. Her mom didn’t even know about her powers.
Or maybe she did.
And if she did know, then why wouldn’t she tell me that one day I might wake up with freaky alien abilities? Ugh. Why should I expect anything else? She’s always been so secretive.There was so much Viv didn’t know. Starting with the question that had itched at the back of her mind for her entire life.
My dad. Why won’t she talk about him? Even Megdar knew more about him than I do!“Viv?” Ray’s voice snapped her out of her trance. “You okay, Viv? You’ve been pretty quiet.”
“Me? I’m totally fine,” Viv lied, straightening up in her chair and tossing the picture on the desk. “Just bored of all this paperwork, ya know? This picture might be the most interesting thing I’ve seen all week.”
“You should keep it.” Charlotte passed the photo back to Viv.
“What? I can’t keep it. This is highly sensitive, classified Area 51 material.”
“Looks like a Polaroid to me,” Charlotte said.
“No way. I can’t take this.” Viv rummaged beneath a few piles of manila folders and pulled out a small stapler. With one sharp squeeze of her palm, she attached the photo to the top of the file. “There. Now it won’t get lost.”
Viv put the paper back into its folder with a sigh and slid the stapler into her pocket, sure she’d need it for a new set of files later. The door slowly creaked open behind her.
“Elijah, where have you been?” Charlotte asked. “We’re two filing cabinets away from being done!”
Elijah collapsed into one of the rolling chairs and slid toward his desk.
“Director Harlow had me doing coffee runs again this morning. Agent Snyder? You know, the one who works in the Botany Department? Well, she wanted oat milk in her coffee, so I went to the coffee stand, and they only had soy milk. I got her the coffee with soy milk, but then she tasted it and said it was terrible. So I had to run back to the coffee stand and ask for almond milk. But then she said she was allergic to almonds, so I had to take the VERT Train to the other coffee stand on the north side of the compound and then go all the way back to the Botany Department.” Elijah talked until he was out of breath. Charlotte stared at him with wide eyes.
“. . . Elijah?” Charlotte said. “Did you drink any of that coffee?”
“Yep! All the coffee that Agent Snyder didn’t want. I had to. Otherwise, it would’ve gone to waste!” Elijah said quickly. “How can you tell?”
“Um, maybe because you’re talking like a flying squirrel who just ate a bellyful of jumping beans?”
“Or maybe he’s just talking like the world’s most reliable intern,” Viv said with a smile.
Elijah smiled back and gave her a jittery nod of thanks.
Though the grin he flashed her was warm and sweet, Viv still wasn’t quite sure how to talk with him after the alien attack. She could have sworn they’d shared a moment together on the Roswellians’ ship when they thought they’d never see each other again. But she hadn’t been able to get him alone for a moment, with all four of them together in the copy room, and he seemed to be pretending it had never happened.
Elijah paced back and forth around the room, energy unabated, before he paused for a moment. He reached over to a small space against the wall.
“Has this been here the whole time?” Elijah said. He banged his hand against another metal cabinet wedged into the corner.
“Aw, man. Seriously? Another one?” Ray said.
Viv watched as Elijah pulled yet another folder out of the new filing cabinet to start digitizing. He reached inside the folder and removed a small, folded-up piece of blue paper.
“What’s this?” Elijah asked.
“Probably another Extra-Normal Affairs document. Those are tricky to read,” Ray said.
“No, seriously, guys. Look!” Elijah swept his arm across the desk, pushing the other stacks to the side. He unfurled a huge piece of blue paper, so blue that the desk lamp’s light reflected like a sparkling sapphire.
“Are you kidding me?” Charlotte said after she leaned over for a peek. “You’ve been here for ten seconds, and you already found something cool?”
Viv and Ray crowded around. Even Meekee hopped across the stacks of papers to get a better look.
“Whoa.”
Viv’s eyes scanned the large paper laid out on the desk. She and her friends had gone through thousands of files over the past week. The paper cuts that dotted each of her fingers could attest to that. But there was something missing on this document.
Something not missing.Every single file that they’d encountered was confidential and redacted, crossed through with thick black lines that obscured any interesting or relevant information. But everything on this piece of paper was legible. Clear as day. It only took Viv a second to realize what they were looking at.
“They’re blueprints,” Viv said. “A map of the compound. The underground part.”
A map to the deepest, most secretive levels of Area 51. Why isn’t this all blacked out?“Shouldn’t this be redacted?” Ray said, echoing Viv’s thoughts to a T.
“I guess they forgot?” Elijah said.
“Whoa, look.” Charlotte pointed to a small legend in the top right corner. “Is this what I think it is?”
“This has the door codes to every single sector of Area 51 below Level One.”
Oh man. This definitely should have been redacted.Something else on the map caught Viv’s eye. She traced her finger along the edges until she landed on a circular region of the map ten stories below the desert line.
“What’s this here? The Forbidden Zone?” Her voice fell to a hush. “I’ve never heard of that before.”
“Probably because it’s forbidden,” Ray added without a hint of sarcasm.
The four kids stared at it for a long time, the blue light from the document glowing in all of their eyes. They sat for a moment in pure silence.
“I’m gonna file it under ‘Miscellaneous,’” Ray said, reaching for the map. Charlotte caught his arm.
“What? No way! We’re definitely keeping this!”
“Charlotte, no! We can’t. This is supposed to be confidential,” Viv said. “We shouldn’t even be looking at this.”
“But it’s a map of Area 51? And we work here. Shouldn’t we know our way around the place?” Charlotte asked, letting the question linger in the air. “What? You think the people who work at Disney World don’t know how to get to Space Mountain?”
“I don’t think there’s a Forbidden Zone at Disney World!” Viv replied.
“Actually, you’d be surprised,” Ray said. “One time, I wandered into Snow White’s dressing room and—”
“We gotta check it out!” Charlotte insisted. “Our parents stuck us in here for the most boring task ever. Obviously, they don’t care what we do as long as we’re out of the way. Nobody needs to know. We can run down there, see what’s up, and then run back before anyone notices.”
Ray cautiously picked up the map as if the paper itself was radioactive.
“If we get caught with this, we could get in serious trouble.”
KNOCK! KNOCK!A knuckle tapped at the door in two sharp beats.
“AH!” Ray yelped. The map flew out of his hands.
“AH!” Meekee repeated cheerfully.
“Hide it!” Viv whispered as Charlotte ferociously folded it back up.
“I’m trying!” In one quick swoop, Charlotte picked Meekee up off the table and plopped him down on top of the folded-up square of blue paper.
“Meekee?”
“Stay right there, Meekee! Don’t move!” Viv commanded. “Stay!”
“Stay!” Meekee parroted back.
“Good boy, Meekee!”
“Guys,” Ray exclaimed. “He’s not a puppy!”
The door scraped open and a looming figure filled the doorframe. Viv’s fear was instantly replaced with a new feeling . . .
Dread.
Chapter Two“Director Harlow!” Elijah smiled wide. “Good afternoon!”
Viv’s mom, tall and proud, stepped into the room, her heels clacking on the cold concrete floor.
“Good afternoon, Elijah. Thanks again for handling the coffee this morning. I heard Agent Snyder gave you quite the runaround.”
“Oh, not a problem! Happy to help in any way I can.” Elijah chuckled nervously, his hands still fidgeting in his lap. “What, um, what can we do you for?”
“I want you all to meet someone!”
Director Harlow stepped to her left and pushed the door wide open. Behind the frame stood a new figure—a sight Viv was certainly not expecting to see.
It was a girl. Not a woman but a girl. She was tall and thin, wearing a tidy green dress with a bow around the collar. A stream of pin-straight auburn hair fell to her waist.
“Kids, this is Joanna Kim. Joanna, these are the new interns—my daughter, Vivian, and her very capable friends Charlotte, Elijah, and Ray.”
Viv was shocked. For the past week, her entire world had been full of adults. Seeing anybody under five and a half feet tall at the base was unusual unless you found yourself in the copy room where she and her friends had been relegated.
“Um, Director Harlow? I thought Area 51 was done with Take Your Kids to Work Day?” Charlotte said.
“Oh no, no.” Their boss laughed. “Joanna here is Area 51’s newest Einstein Fellow.”
“Einstein Fellow?” Ray’s ears perked up at his favorite physicist’s name.
“Yes, it’s an outreach program we’ve been sponsoring for decades. Each year, the award goes to an eligible scientist who’s demonstrated excellence in their field. We choose from thousands of brilliant minds, but this year, our winner happened to be, well . . . a bit younger than we expected.” She smiled down at Joanna, who smiled right back.
“Joanna here is a prodigy in all things biology and organic robotics. She’s been upstairs working with me in the main hall this morning. Even though she’s only been here for a few hours, she’s already helped Lieutenant Padilla and I solve a pesky engineering problem with the new Draco-Drone.”
Viv’s eyes narrowed, and she felt her hands clench into fists by her side.
A new kid genius? Working with Mom while we’re stuck down here? You’ve got to be kidding me.“How old are you?” Ray asked.
“Fourteen.” Joanna smiled, her perfectly straight teeth gleaming white.
“I’ll get out of your hair and let you all get acquainted. Don’t want to bring down the vibe!” Director Harlow added with a chuckle. “And I know you interns are almost finished, but don’t work through lunch. Today, we have an extra-special buffet that you don’t want to miss!”
The director turned toward the door and twisted the knob—
“Stay!” Meekee chirped again.
Director Harlow spun around toward the sound, and Viv’s eyes darted to the folded piece of paper beneath Meekee’s butt.
“Oh, Meekee!” She laughed. “Ray, you must be doing a great job teaching him to speak. He’s learning so fast!”
“Stay! Stay!” Meekee echoed.
“That’s so sweet. I’m afraid I must get going, little guy.”
“Dumb!” Meekee replied.
Director Harlow laughed once more and continued walking. “I expect you four to give Joanna a warm welcome!”
Director Harlow turned on her heels and shut the door behind her. Joanna stepped into her place. Charlotte, Elijah, and Ray shared a collective sigh of relief, but Viv’s eyes were fixed on the mysterious new girl, standing in front of them.
“Hi, there! You must be Viv. Nice to meet you.” Joanna extended her hand warmly.
“Einstein Fellow, huh? How’d you win that?” Viv asked, turning back toward the desk and trying to suppress the edge in her voice.
“I’ll show you!” Joanna said, gently patting the pocket of her crisp dress.
From the velvety fabric, a bright white metal head popped out. It was a small head, no bigger than a plum, topped with two beady eyes and long, wiry whiskers. Connected to that head was a skinny body made of smooth, white steel plates. If Viv didn’t know any better, she’d say it was a weasel. A mechanical weasel.
The little metal creature slithered up Joanna’s arm and perched itself on top of her shoulder.
“This is FuRo.” Joanna patted the miniature droid on the head as it nuzzled against her chin. “She’s the reason I’m here.”
“Whoa!” Ray’s eyes lit up at the technical masterpiece in front of him. He always appreciated a good invention.
“Wow. You made that?” Elijah asked.
“Yep! Built her in the lab this spring. She’s a fully automated robotic ferret with integrated artificial intelligence and all sorts of extra features.”
A ferret? She made a robot ferret? Big whoop. I battled a dinosaur.A low growl emerged from Ray’s desk. It was Meekee, flattening himself like a hissing kitten. Something about this robotic ferret clearly ruffled him.
“Dumb!” the tiny alien peeped.
“Meekee!” Ray scolded. “Where are your manners, young man?”
Within an instant of noticing him, FuRo leapt off Joanna’s shoulders and soared through the air, landing perfectly on the desk, inches from Meekee’s face. They sniffed each other for a moment before breaking into an all-out wrestling match.
“Meekee! Stop that right now!” Ray howled.
Joanna laughed. “Oh, they’ll be okay! FuRo’s harmless. Just having some fun.”
While Viv watched the two pocket-size creatures brawl, her ears homed in on the conversation happening behind her.
“And you must be Elijah, right?” Joanna said. “I think you ran by me this morning on your way to the Botany Department.”
“Oh yeah.” Elijah ruffled the hair behind his head. “Sorry about that. I should’ve introduced myself.”
“Don’t worry. You looked busy. I remember thinking, ‘Wow! Whoever he is, that guy’s fast!’”
Joanna curled her lips into a smile, and her giggle rang out like a sparrow’s call. Viv’s heart tensed up at the sound.
She’s flirting with him. Already?And that was when she felt it: the burning heat boiling behind her eyes. It was the same sensation she had felt last week when her powers exploded out of her . . . when she accidentally hurt Elijah. Viv shut her eyes tight, trying to fight off the pull of her unwanted abilities.
CLANG!The sound startled Viv and nearly everyone else in the room. It was Charlotte. She flipped the deadbolt on the door and whirled around to face them.
“Enough chitchat. What are we gonna do with this map?”
“Charlotte!” Ray cried, nervously glancing over at Joanna.
“What?” Charlotte defended. “Joanna, you’re a genius, right? Why don’t we let her decide?”
“You found a map?” Joanna said.
Viv’s skin tingled. Something about this felt wrong. They’d just met her. Could she be trusted?
I’m sure Little Miss Perfect will turn us in the second she gets back upstairs.“Let me take a look,” Joanna said, extending her hand.
Viv noticed her fingers, covered in shiny silver rings that perfectly matched her freshly painted manicure. Joanna spread the map out onto the desk and glanced over it with lightning speed.
“Ooh, the Forbidden Zone?” Joanna smiled. “That sounds cool.”
“That’s exactly what I said!” Charlotte folded her arms across her chest.
“But it’s supposed to be confidential!” Ray said, trying to pry Meekee away from the headlock FuRo had him in.
“What do you think we should do, Joanna?” Elijah asked.
She flashed him a quick grin before looking back at the big blue document.
“I think . . .” She twirled a lock of smooth hair around her fingers. “Why work at Area 51 if you’re not up for a little adventure?”
“Yeah! Now that’s what I’m talking about!” Charlotte shot her hands up in victory.
Elijah nodded in agreement. Viv felt like she was going to throw up. She wrapped her hand around the stapler in her pocket and squeezed hard, wishing it was the trigger on her combat suit.
Stay calm . . . Stay calm . . . Trilling chimes echoed through the intercom speaker.
“That’s the lunch bell! Guys, please!” Ray said, out of breath, finally breaking Meekee free from the scuffle and tucking him into his shirt pocket. “Let’s just file it away for now and get some food!”
“It’ll only take a second, Ray,” Charlotte said, already halfway out the door. “No one’s gonna notice if we’re a few files behind schedule. They’re all busy doing actually cool stuff.”
“But Director Harlow said there’s a special buffet today!” Ray whined.
“Come on, Ray. I promise we won’t run into Snow White.” US

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