September Songs

Description

Since the beginning of the twentieth century, thirty years have been added to the normal human life expectancy. In September Songs, the follow-up to her bestselling Intimate Partners, Maggie Scarf investigates the surprising and profound evolution marriage has undergone in these “bonus years.” In a series of intimate and provocative interviews, she delves into the lives of couples married for more than two decades and uncovers the welcome news that most couples are more satisfied in their marriages today than in their early years together. By giving voice to both their struggles and their triumphs, these husbands and wives reveal how they’ve balanced their emotional and physical needs with those of their partner’s, and how the lessons they’ve learned over time have helped them find new opportunities to love, cherish, and live alongside each other in the extra years they have together.”[An] engrossing investigation into enduring marriage…unexpectedly candid”
–The New York Times Book Review

“Scarf is good…a probing but tactful questioner, an active listener, and even, on occasion, a quasi-therapist.”
–The Washington Post

“A journalistic book…the clearest message, both from the research and the couples, is upbeat.”
–The Economist

“Scarf wonderfully captures those insights that give meaning and joy to life even as the clock ticks.”
-Jerome Groopman, M.D., author of How Doctors ThinkMaggie Scarf is a journalist and the author of the bestselling Intimate Partners, among other books. A visiting fellow at the Whitney Humanities Center, Yale University, and a fellow of Jonathan Edwards College, Yale University, she is also a contributing editor for The New Republic. Scarf and her husband live in Connecticut.

INTRODUCTION
“It is the awareness of mortality that makes life’s afternoon so ripely poignant and so sweet” (p. 228).

A few years after Maggie Scarf first published Intimate Partners, her groundbreaking bestseller on the new mechanics of marriage, she began to notice that the institution was again undergoing some profound changes—largely due to the fact that the normal human lifespan has increased by as much as thirty years over the course of the twentieth century. Couples today are more likely to live longer and have more time together. Scarf wanted to know how these marriages and individuals have evolved as a result.

As we all have seen, a host of issues—from infidelity to health problems to disagreements about childrearing or money—can shatter a marriage. But statistics show that divorce rates plummet after the first eight years of marriage. In September Songs, Scarf integrates frank and detailed interviews with baby boomer couples who have been married for at least two decades with the most up-to-date gerontological research to reveal the surprising, good news about marriage in “the bonus years” of age fifty and beyond.

Profoundly informative and eminently readable, September Songs offers a revolutionary and sorely needed celebration of long-term marriages. Scarf’s discoveries are both eye-opening and encouraging for anyone in a committed relationship—whatever their age.

ABOUT MAGGIE SCARF

Maggie Scarf is a journalist and the author of the bestselling Intimate Partners, among other books. A visiting fellow at the Whitney Humanities Center, Yale University, and a fellow of Jonathan Edwards College, Yale University, she is also a contributing editor for The New Republic. Scarf and her husband live in Connecticut.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

What is your definition of the word “elderly” and how has it changed over the years?

What inspired your decision to read September Songs? Did you read this book on your own or with your mate? If not, would you recommend that he/she read it and why?

Is there a particular couple whose story held special resonance for you?

Were you surprised at the overall level of these couples’ contentment given their various health or financial challenges?

How honest did you feel the interviewees were being with Scarf? With themselves?

Is there a question you wished Scarf had asked the participating couples? What is it and why is its answer important to you?

Scarf cites research that challenges the notion that divorce makes people happier but also profiles the Donaldsons and Hamiltons who both left behind unhappy marriages to find happiness in their second marriages. Do you think that sticking it out or moving on is the best route?

Have you witnessed the “positivity effect” in either your own life or those of older friends and relatives?

If you have already reached your bonus years, what would you name this phase of your life? Explain. If you have not yet reached them, what would you hope to name this phase?

How much discussion and thought have you and your mate put into planning your post-retirement years? What do you anticipate your greatest challenges and joys will be?

How would you compare American support systems for retirement (e.g. Medicare, Social Security, retirement funds, etc…) to those in other countries?

In what ways will your post-retirement years be different from that of your parents? Is this a conscious change or merely circumstantial?

Has reading September Songs altered your expectations of life in the bonus years? In what ways?

US

Additional information

Dimensions	0.7200 × 5.5000 × 8.2000 in
Imprint	Riverhead Books
ISBN-13	09781594483998
ISBN-10	159448399X
Author	Maggie Scarf
Audience	General / adult
BISAC	SOC026010, FAM029000
Subjects	marriage books, couple, couple gifts, romantic gifts, life expectancy, couples gifts, valentines day gifts, relationship books, Mature, bachelorette gifts, bride, relationship gifts, SOC026010, intimate partners, emotional maturity, relationship workbooks for couples, marriage workbooks for couples, marriage gifts, newlywed gifts, romantic gifts for him, love, FAM029000, middle age, marriage, relationship, relationships, family, guide, aging, romance, history, engagement, Sociology, long distance, couples, wedding, history books, Trust, engaged